Strong-willed children want to learn things for themselves rather than accepting what others say. This results in them testing the limits again and again.

They are likely to have their own preferences as to what they want and how they do things. They possess a strong determination to achieve something and are persistent in their efforts to do so, which is a positive trait necessary to overcome future obstacles which they may face in adulthood.

Unfortunately, this can be perceived as stubbornness, i.e. doesn’t listen to or follow instructions and defies any kind of changes even if it’s for their own good. Due to this, parents and kids may end up at loggerheads with each other over many different issues.

Parent-child power struggle

Between unmet expectations (i.e. a child listens to their parents) and the harsh reactions and discipline following parents’ frustrations, power struggles are inevitable. It’s easy to lose one’s temper when dealing with a child who is unwilling to listen to what you say.

However, there’s a danger of not helping the child learn, and worse, increases negative behaviours and oppositionality if you engage in a power struggle with them. Getting overly emotional may also lead to parents doing or saying things they regret later on. We keep our ‘power’ by staying calm, so remind yourself who is the adult.

Half the battle is won if you’re open to new perspectives and ways of responding to your child in challenging situations. Understanding the needs and drives underlying strong-willed child’s behaviours and responding to them (instead of what is on the surface) will be the other half – sometimes children appear stubborn because they feel hurt or their decisions/ opinions were not heard.

No to blind obedience

The idea of a child doing exactly what you tell him to all the time may seem great, but blind obedience is unhealthy. It is better to teach him how to be sensible, considerate and co-operative. Breaking a child’s will by forcing obedience is counter-productive in the long run as it will leave him open to be manipulated by others who may not have his best interest in mind.

The most important approach to get a strong-willed child to listen is by working with them as opposed to against them. This changes the dynamics of how you can work together. Connect to your child and tune in to their needs so that you can meet them where they are. Understanding them makes it possible to see things from their point of view, which provides an opportunity for validation and enhances empathy. At the same time, allow your child to experience ‘real world’ consequences as natural and logical consequences can be a more effective teacher than nagging and scolding.

Most people don’t like being told what to do, and this is especially true for strong-willed children. They are likely to dig their heels in if they feel they are being ordered around. Here are some creative methods you could try to get them to come around:

• Turn chores or routines into games
  ‘Beat-the-clock’ and compete to see who finishes first or who gets the most done, e.g. “Let’s pack up and see who can collect the most toys” or “Lights will be off at 9pm. If you hurry then we may have time for two story books.”

• Ask for help
  Make young children your “special helper” to complete the tasks. For older children, appeal to their sense of altruism. This can encourage them to be more caring and considerate of others.

• Positive approach
  Use encouraging, supportive words rather than threats, e.g. instead of “We are not going out until you finish your food” to “As soon as you finish your food, we can go out”. This way, the focus is on what to do to achieve the goal.

• Play the “yes” game
  Ask questions that your child will answer “yes” a few times in a row to help break down their resistance, e.g. if he refuses to leave the swimming pool, “You love to play in the water yeah?”, “Next time we should invite your cousin along. Would you like that?”, “Today was a wonderful outing. Should we do this again next week?” Your child will also feel heard and understood when you focus on common grounds.

• Offer options

Rather than giving ultimatums, simply start the process, e.g.to bring play time to an end, ask “Do you want to put your toys away yourself or should i help you?” then start the routine of packing up while giving options along the way, e.g. “What goes in first? The duck or the blocks?”, “Which box should the train go into, the red one or the green one?”

It isn’t easy dealing with strong-willed children. They have a lot of potential but require a lot more patience and creativity for parents to successfully deal with them. When you find an effective way to channel their persistence in the right direction, it helps them to achieve their potential of growing into highly self-motivated individuals when they grow up.

An educational contribution by Malaysian Society of Clincial Psychology.

Credit to : https://mypositiveparenting.org

Eczema, or atopic dermatitis, is a skin condition that often results in uncontrollable itching, inflamed red patches of dry skin, and can be irritating and painful, especially for children. While it is not curable (the same as asthma), it is treatable and can be managed with the proper care and approach.

Approximately 20 – 30% of children who suffer from asthma will also have eczema. Due to the high incidence of eczema, every child with asthma will be checked by the doctor for signs and symptoms of eczema. However, children are not required to go through a test for allergy.

Why eczema occurs

This condition typically occurs due an absence of a type of protein in the skin cells which causes the skin to lose its ability to retain water, thus making it dry. As a result of the dry skin, it becomes easily irritated; this itchy sensation is why children start scratching, and this in turn causes lesions to form.

Bacteria will accumulate in the lesions and start growing, and when this happens, the skin will feel even more irritated and the itching sensation increases. This will only worsen the problem, and the only way to get around this problem is to keep the skin moisturised. In doing so, the skin is soothed thus helping children to stop scratching at their injured skin.

Dealing with eczema

There are some simple do’s and don’ts in order to deal with eczema, and these include the following:

What you can do

For cases of mild eczema, these can usually be treated by the paediatrician only. It involves using some form of non-scented, fragrance-free soap/body wash that contains moisturising agents. After baths, immediately follow up with moisturisers and/ or aqueous cream (with 20% glycerine for the skin). If you prefer, you can also use the aqueous cream as a replacement for soap/ body wash. The use of glycerine will help to maintain the moisture content of your child’s skin for longer periods.

However, if your child suffers from moderate to severe eczema, his or her specialist will need to work hand-in-hand with a dermatologist in order to figure out the correct method to tackle his or her condition, and this may involve the use of steroid creams or skinwraps. 

Important tip:

Always use dermatologically tested products. Do not use products that are scented, have fragrances, or contain alcohol as the chemicals used may irritate your child’s skin. Expensive products do not necessarily mean they are better.

DIY skin-wraps:

1. Wet clean gauze bandages with water.
2. Apply moisturiser and wrap the affected skin.
3. Cover the wet bandages with dry bandages/towel to lock in the moisture.
4. Leave overnight.

Credit to : https://mypositiveparenting.org